I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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