Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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