you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm bleeding and have questions
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
