ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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