Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
