oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
