mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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