I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
