I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
