I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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