We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
