Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
