She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
