I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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