help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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