At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
