I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
