How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
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It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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