i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize