We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
