Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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