There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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