He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
