doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
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She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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