This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My dad just said "fuck circus"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
