Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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