Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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