The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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