This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
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She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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