My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
