I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
