Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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