I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
