What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
