I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
