I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
