Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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