You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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