Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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