you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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