"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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