Screwed.edu
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
