So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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