I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
