Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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