no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize