is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
