The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
