Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
