A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
