Where is the hickey?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
