I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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