i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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