I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
