Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
