Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
