What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
